The art of vehicular maintenance-part 1

Why is it that we're losing the ability or the inclination to do simple tasks? We used to, so we've either forgotten how to do them which seems unlikely which leaves the classic, "we lead busy lives now" excuse. I'm not convinced by either. We demand 'convenience, ready now and at your doorstep' with as little effort as possible. Sociologically speaking, we've become lazy and bone-bloody idol. Look at the rapid expanse of hand car wash 'garages' on previously, redundant petrol station forecourts.

There's no art or mystique to maintaining your metal; the more appropriate word is technique as I've found that, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes because of the short-cuts that you learn through trial and error. It's a learning curve and we'll begin at the origin with the simplest of tasks that is car cleaning. If you want to save a bit of dosh, keep fit and, when it's all done, sit back and admire with an immeasurable sense of satisfaction, then read on...

and pick an area where the sun isn't shining directly otherwise the drips will dry quickly into smears and you'll vow never to do it again....ever. Either (in ascending order of saving water)jetwash/ hose/ or let it rain (although prepare to be asked, when it's blindingly obvious "what are you doing"?) Hoses and pressure-washers should start from the roof of the car and focus on gutters where moss and fungii can collect but try not to get too close with a pressure nozzle as you can weather the paint (new cars have thinner water-based as opposed to oil-based) or mark the bodywork. Work across the roof in Citroen Picasso robot-spraying motion and proceed towards to the side outlining window rubbers that conceal a surprising amount of scum, especially when parked under vegetation. Sweep across and downwards towards door handles blasting off dirt that acquires around the edges and go towards any rubbing strips focussing on their borders. Repeat this process for the back door/wing and aim the nozzle behind the wheelarch at their inner edges. A hose that steadily trickles water is ideal here as mud collects in the gutter and can corrode in time which is especially common on mid to late 90 VW Polos. A glove that you can keep after you've used it to protect your hand at fuel fill-ups is suitable here as a surprising amount of mud will crumble when you work you fingers behind and around the inner-arch whilst having the hose in the other hand to loosen the dirt. Repeat for the front and back by starting from the top and working down, paying particular attention to the windscreens and you have completed the first stage; pat yourself on the back if you can or attempt a MJ moonwalk to the bewilderment of your nosey neighbours.

Get your bucket out and buy a large yellow sponge and a cloth from the poundshop and invest in car shampoo. Don't use washing-up liquid, it's for dishes is that. One capfull diluted in half a bucketfull of warm water is all you'll need as a large sponge absorbs a surprising amount of dirt. Again, start from the roof in continuous strips so that you don't miss areas and work down to the sides or front leaving the bumpers bottoms, sills and wheels for now. Squeeze the sponge before you immerse it so that the excess dirty water goes to the ground and not back into the bucket.